Electra Heart
by jaegarbombbastic
Summary: Based on Marina and the Diamond's 11-part Electra Heart series. Rose's relationship with Jimmy Stone, in short. 100 word drabbles, each. Chapter 11 suicide attempt trigger warning. Complete.
1. i-fear and loathing

Rose stood in front of the mirror, pulling the hair band from her hair and finger combing the short now-blonde hair.

It was time.

She smiled half-heartedly towards her mother's room as she shouldered her backpack. The note was on the couch.

The backpack had changes of clothes in it, and some money for the fare.

_To Jimmy's._

Rose smiled dreamily, closing the door of the flat behind her.

There was Mickey – he was fine, but he wasn't _Jimmy._

Jimmy loved her. That was all that mattered.

As she walked off, she saw the sky above her.

It was clear.


	2. ii-radioactive

With Jimmy, Rose was _euphoric._

Never before had she felt like this – not with Mickey, not with Sammy, not with Paul, not with _any_ boy ever before.

Now she just couldn't stop.

But Rose wasn't sure; during the night, everything was so _sure_ and so _perfect_, everything like a puzzle peace falling into place.

But in the morning…empty.

Love was all that she feared; didn't Jimmy love her?

Right?

But she was radioactive, bursting to the core with _energy _and _power._

With every touch, her blood burned full of fire.

But Rose believed him when she caught him with Noosh.


	3. iii-the archetypes

All her thoughts were jumbled up.

Everything was all _oh my god what the fuck was jimmy doing with that girl. _

Then everything was all _oh god i'm gonna die alone._

Rose couldn't go back to her mother. Her mother wouldn't accept her back, not after what Rose had done to her.

She had just one coherent thought right now. _He'll never know love._

Rose took a deep breath, breath staggering slightly.

She was sure it would fix it self soon enough. Everything always did, at least for her.

But right now, just in the moment, Rose needed a drink.


	4. iv-primadonna

Alive. Electric. Free.

That was how Rose felt.

Always slightly drunk, though in school she had gotten drunk more times than she could count. She had learned to hide it from her mother.

But Jimmy was smarter than her mother. He would figure it out soon enough that she had stayed out late drinking and buying _stuff_.

Hell, it wasn't anything she would even use. It was just that all the _stuff _made her feel happy.

Like she didn't have a deadbeat boyfriend and like she wasn't a dropout with no A-Levels.

_{in her dreams, she could be a __**primadonna**__.}_


	5. v-su-barbie-a

There were many words that described Rose Tyler.

Dropout. Gymnast. Friend. Drinker. Ex-Smoker.

_{although to be honest, the last two were popping up more than she would have liked to}_

Housewife did not describe Rose Tyler.

Although she never told anyone, she wanted to go out, see the world. Fly around, visiting places like Paris and Rome and New York.

Jimmy's idea of paradise was for her to become a Su-Barbie-A housewife. Her job to give him babies. Her job to be his fucktoy.

_{oh god no, she didn't want that couldn't take that}_

Paradise was a relative term, though.


	6. vi-power and control

Rose wanted power.

Power and control.

She was tired of it all. The excuses of Jimmy, him hitting her _{but oh thank you god if there is one that he wasn't doing worse than hitting her}_

She was tired of being used.

He thought he was so _cool _and _suave_. Rose had thought so too, at first, but now…

Now, she could see more than that.

Rose had messed up big time. Deep, deep shit as her best friend Shareen would say.

She wanted to leave this all, to leave Jimmy **RIGHT NOW.**

Can't have peace with a war, though.


	7. vii-how to be a heartbreaker

She might have been a bit tipsy. With all the tequila she'd had, it wasn't too hard to figure out why.

She had never figured out the girls who drank their way into the hearts of men. They were all heartbreakers, she'd thought.

The heartbreaking girls all had rules, though: have fun, don't get attached, wear your heart on your cheek, and look pure.

But even heartbreakers had hearts, as Rose knew full well.

She loved Jimmy.

_At least, I think I do._

Because, to be honest…Rose couldn't risk losing in love again.

This…this was how to be a heartbreaker.


	8. viii-evol

Love backwards spelt _evol_, which was close enough.

Love in it of itself was evil; but how ironic that backwards love was evol?

Pink lipstick stains on Jimmy's clothes, not hers. Cigarette butts littered the floor, but Rose didn't bother cleaning it up.

She knew she would be slapped. Jimmy had slapped her for going out and partying; and so what?

Meanwhile, Rose lay in bed, just hating herself.

It only takes a drop of _evol_ to fuck love up, after all. To fuck up two beautiful people (though Rose wouldn't call them beautiful).

L-O-V-E, E-V-O-L, do you love me?


	9. ix-the state of dreaming

She gradually drifted back to her mother's apartment.

When Rose's mum saw her, Jackie Tyler burst out crying.

She had finally woken, woken from the state of dreaming. She had left Jimmy for good.

So why did she feel so numb?

She felt as if she was only awake in her dreamland, away from Jimmy. She would be happy to sell her sorry soul.

Rose felt as if her life was a play; why was this happening?

All she wanted was to be wonderful.

If only they knew how she lived her life in fear.

_My life is a play._


	10. x-lies

There were many things Rose Tyler didn't want to admit.

She didn't want to admit that she and Jimmy wouldn't fit.

Lies. All lies. _She just wanted to be perfect_.

Yet…why couldn't she let Jimmy go? She was happy with Mickey, right?

And they were both so proud, yet so damn _cowardly._

Though deep down, she knew they weren't right. Couldn't she believe it was all worth the fight she'd struggled through?

Apparently not, and Rose Marion Tyler didn't want to know.

But if Rose was sort of a primadonna: if she wasn't number one, than she'd rather be lonely.


	11. xi-electra heart

_Lights, they blind me._

It was over.

She had broken it off with Mickey, run away with a madman with a leather jacket, big ears and a Northern accent.

Couldn't she go back to the start?

The pills in her hands would solve that.

Rose Tyler was a disgrace. Who needed her?

She needed forgiveness. What forgiveness, though? Who was there for her?

No one.

"No, Rose!"

The Doctor burst through the door, looking frantic.

"Don't do it."

His voice is soft, and she put down the pills, sinking to the floor and sobbing.

The Doctor sat there with her.


End file.
